Starting Over

So many people were ready for 2008 to be done. It became almost a test of endurance at the end. A litany of sadness. One friend wrote me that, "the sun seems to have gone further south this year." Such an odd thing to write in a holiday letter, on cheery stationary, in pretty, scripted font. But I understand. My own Christmas cards made a pre-written plea for "Peace on Earth, Good Will to All." (Because that's not too tall of a wish, now is it?) It was a trying year, and it's high time for it to be over.

And yet, in coming up with my own recap of 2008, I was surprised to realize that, on a personal level (as opposed to the political, financial, and environmental ones), this past year was a good one. I applied and got accepted to graduate school, after years of hesitation and self-doubt. I got published, twice, and amassed a fairly decent collection of "good" rejections*. I wrote the briefest of one-act plays, that was performed before my entire department at school. In Polish, yet. (That one just tickles me.) I translated my love of fiber and color into dyeing and spinning and felting. I talked my way into two small craft shows and, to my utter disbelief, actually sold my first small piece. I started this blog.

I look back on these modest accomplishments with deep satisfaction and pride. But I'm not writing this to brag. I'm just trying to understand. This past year, something shifted in my perception of myself. I'm not sure what, or how, or why it took so darned long. (Or how, please god, to keep it up.) I guess I just woke up one day, unconsciously ready for something new. It's a change I wish for us all, in the coming year. After all, it may be arbitrary to see one gray mid-winter day as anything different than the one before, but the time is always right for a fresh start.

*A "good" rejection being a slip of paper with a handwritten note from the editors, as opposed to the purely anonymous 'no'. A rejection, yes, but somehow less crushing. I'm sure there's a German word that conveys the exact emotional response.